RITUAL: A Black Girl’s Guide to the Shadow Self
Why Black women carry the blueprint of shadowplay and power in our bones.
Shadows aren’t something to fear. They’re home.
But we’ve been told again and again to crave the light. If you aren’t all love and light then you can’t be well, you’ve let something ugly & dark take ahold of your spirit. Even in the way media packages “self-care,” it’s all about brightness, positivity, the clean (whatever tf that even means) aesthetic. The message is clear: light is good, darkness is bad.
And that’s the conditioning. It convinces us that anything dark - from our grief and our rage to our skin tones - must be negative, heavy, dangerous. But the truth is the opposite. Darkness is where the real power lives, once you accept that life get’s a bit easier to navigate. Darkness is where the subconscious runs the show 95 to 98% of our choices, habits, and reactions. So whether people admit it or not, most of us are already living in the dark.
I like to use the concept of us being born to really get folks to understand.Think about the womb. That’s where every single one of us started. No light, only heartbeat and water, organs forming, bones stretching, laughter and voices muffled through skin. Darkness is what made you. Light is just what came after.
So it makes no sense to only chase the light. When you deny your darkness, you disconnect from your own origins, shrinking yourself to stay palatable. You perform positivity because that’s what the world wants to see & it doesn’t care if its real or not. But the shadow doesn’t go away because you ignore it - it grows. Until it bursts, often at the wrong time, toward the wrong person, in ways you can’t control.
Dark Feminine Energy
This is what people miss when they talk about dark feminine energy. It’s not evil and its not all about bending men to your will or being the villain in the story of a person who isn’t even comfortable in their own skin. Now can it be dangerous? If used without intention it can be, but doesn’t that go for everything? Dark Femme energy has depth and I plan on spending my entire life exploring as much of it as I can.
Dark femme energy can be sacred rage that fuels boundaries or desire that points to what your ass really wants from life. If can also feel like grief that teaches you to love harder while it’s silence speaks volumes. It’s the feminine that doesn’t smile just to keep the peace, it much rather cause the chaos that will destroy and burn the limiting in our existence so it can be reborn better.
It magnetic not because it’s “sexy dark” or taboo, but because it’s whole. It doesn’t apologize for existing as both light and shadow.
Fear Belongs in the Backseat
What nobody really explains is that fear is going to be along for the ride most times. It’s almost always a instant hell yeah when you step into shadow play. That’s normal. The point isn’t to erase fear - it’s to put it in its place (lovingly).
Think of your life like a car. Spirit’s in the driver’s seat, you’re a passenger princess, and fear? Fear belongs in the back, in a carseat. It can talk, it can raise a flag, but it doesn’t get to steer.
Sometimes fear is pointing out something real - danger, trauma, a pattern you need to heal. Other times And it’s just reacting to the unease of the unknown & the little control it has over what can happen. Either way, it deserves to be acknowledged. Pretending fear isn’t there just drains you. Naming it, writing it out, sitting with it - that regulates it. Once fear is regulated, faith gets to lead & take you where you need to go. Remember: Faith is always stronger.
Don’t “fuck fear” like it’s an enemy (seriously we have to get out of the habit of hating parts of who we are it’s hella dangerous). Let it ride in the backseat where it belongs, while faith and spirit carry you forward.
Shadow Self ≠ Scary Self
That’s the thing about shadows: rage, jealousy, envy, desire, grief - none of it makes you “bad.” They’re signals, data & even teachers. Ignore them and they’ll run the show behind the scenes. Pay attention, and they’ll show you what’s next to heal or claim.
And this is why I prefer to call it shadow play instead of shadow work. Because the heaviness isn’t the point. There’s space for curiosity here. Even joy. When you play with your shadows, you stop treating them like monsters under the bed and start seeing them as the parts of you that have been waiting to dance.
A Ritual for Meeting Your Shadows
If you want a place to start, try this:
Create your space. Light a candle. Turn down the lights. Make it intentional.
Set your intention. Hand on your heart, breathe deep, and whisper: I’m ready to listen to the parts of me I’ve ignored.
Meet them. Gaze into the flame or the mirror. Let one hidden part rise. Maybe it’s grief, maybe it’s rage, maybe it’s a desire you’ve been ashamed of. Ask: What do you hold for me?
Listen. No edits, no judgment. Just let it come.
Thank yourself. Hand back on heart. Gratitude for what surfaced. That’s a piece of you returning home.
Try This Too
Journal prompt: Where in my life am I scared to be fully seen?
Daily check-in: What shadow part tried to speak today - did I let her, or did I silence her?
Ancestral reminder: You’re not the first in your line to carry both light and dark. Your Ancestors lived this harmony. Call on them.
Why It Matters
Shadow play isn’t about fixing anything. It’s about seeing yourself completely. And when you do that, you stop performing for survival. You stop shrinking. You start living in your power.
Black women know this in our bones. We’ve always carried the blueprint: rage and joy, grief and brilliance, silence and song. Our shadows aren’t flaws. They’re evidence. They’re gifts. They’re the divine map etched into our bloodline.
And if you can love that part of yourself? Whew. You’re untouchable.
Going Deeper
This is just the beginning. Inside The Dark Divines paid version we dive further - with rituals, stories, and practices to help you not only meet your shadows but thrive with them.
The shadow is not the enemy. The shadow is you. And you are divine.
